ShyGuy’s How to Get a Girlfriend Blog

All too often, in our lives we find ourselves being manipulated or influenced by other men, by women, and sometimes even by the damned television.

Of course, as a kid against a schoolyard bully, perhaps the only options are the Charles Atlas course, karate classes, or a tactful withdrawal. But in later life usually we’re not influenced by physical threat.

HOW DO ‘THEY’ MANIPULATE US?

It’s done with worths, with images, and with social pressure.

If you’re being influenced this way … what that tells you is that you DO NOT actually understand how it’s happening. Oh, you may have theories and opinions about those bad people.

But if you’re still being manipulated, either “having” to go along, or even resisting but feeling upset or angry about it .. then you DO NOT fully understand how it works.

HERE IS THE KEY:

If you wish to invest time to understand how it all works, then *you* can learn to influence people around you. You can control nearly every situation. You can attract people to you, and they will listen to what you have to say.

If you don’t wish to invest time to understand how it all works?

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Rapport. Being ‘in sync.” In the same groove. Of the same mind.

That’s the way you want the girl to be. Right?

But your acting like one of the girls won’t get it. Though girls *say* they like “good guys,” what happens if you generate the “good guy” image is that you become a girlfriend of hers. Next thing you know she’ll be telling you about her romantic adventures, and expecting you to comment and commiserate!

That’s not what you want!

You’ve got to be a man, a guy with a life of his own, not too caught up with her too fast (or you’ll scare her away, because it’s happened to her before). Only then is she intrigued. But along the way, how can you build rapport, so she’s feeling close to you and feeling comfortable to get closer.

Here’s how …

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You know the old song … “Breaking up is Hard to Do” by Neil Sedaka?

“Don’t take your love, Away from me
Don’t leave my heart, In misery
If you go, Then I’ll be blue
Cause breakin’ up is hard to do.”

Have you ever had the experience of breaking up with someone? For this discussion, let’s assume that it was *you* who broke off with her. (Getting dumped is another whole can of worms.)

For example, for some time you were kind of nattering inside your head. She did this, and she did that, and you didn’t like it. And she won’t do this other, and that’s just stupid. And, frankly, you’ve just had it up to here. And some other girl or girls are looking pretty good. And you need your freedom. And you need to move on.

::: SOUND FAMILIAR?

And so then you said, “We’ve got to talk,” and you did talk and most likely that wasn’t much fun (though sometimes you feel a little power, you evil creature). And then she said something and you said something, and then later she wasn’t there with you and the two of you had broken up.

And then what happened?

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Like most things in life, the things you do that actually work are usually very simple.

Usually you don’t need much help in noticing some attractive woman whom you would like to approach. It’s simple.

First you see her. You say ‘hubba-hubba!’ in your mind, and you know that you’d like to be closer to her. You’d like to be talking with her. You’d like her to be smiling as you speak. You’d like her to flirt with you. You’d like her to give you her number. You’d like to take her on a date. You’d like to take her home. You’d like to carry her into the bedroom-

Oops! Wait a minute. I got a little carried away. Maybe you got a little carried away, too.

But when you see her, and you start thinking these things, what actually happens?

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When it comes to the movies, women are big saps, and all sentimental. The fact that my lady friend often says to me, in the movies, ‘Are you crying?’ means nothing. Of course I wasn’t crying. I just got something in my eye.

But, getting back to business. Women are emotional creatures, unlike the man of steel such as ourselves. And when they get emotional, well, that’s *good* for you. Because when they feel all emotional, and you’re around, quite often you get the good of it.

I wouldn’t generally recommend the ‘Dinner and a Movie’ date (bleah!), because it’s just too common, and one of the things you want to do, especially early on, is to set yourself apart from the other guys. Therefore, you don’t want to do the same old date that the other guys do. And that rules out Dinner-And-A-Movie.

However, watching *old* movies on a rainy day, cuddled up together on a sofa or a comfy bed, beneath a blanket, with the scent of popcorn in the air …

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[CONTINUED FROM YESTERDAY]

I’ve been describing an excellent exercise for getting to meet some women, even if you’re way shy. This exercise makes it easy.

Summary: You go someplace with lots of women. You walk along the way, and as you pass each one you say something. But don’t stop; just keep walking. At the far end, turn around and come back. And now, with each one, practice starting up a conversation.

And the marvy thing is that they will nearly always chat with you, when it’s on your way back.

Here’s How it Works

Why would this work? Why will she almost always talk with you when you return?

It’s because when you return she thinks she knows you! You’ve moved yourself into the class of guy who she’s talking with for the second time. You see, women can be protective and cautious the first time they meet somebody, but they don’t usually have a habit of being so cautious the second time they’re chatting with somebody, and you’ve just moved yourself into that category.

Getting Beyond Shyness

The second wonderful thing about this technique is that it helps you get beyond shyness. If you’ve ever felt tongue-tied in the past, this method is great. You see, there’s so little to lose, since you’re walking away. And if you say something so dumb that the sky should fall … who cares? And if you’ve spoken to a half-dozen women, you can blow it with five and still meet somebody, and that ain’t bad!

Using this particular method in the hallway at San Francisco State, on that particular morning, I met Barbara A., the writer, but that’s another story.

[CONTINUED FROM YESTERDAY]You’ll recall that this is a fun exercise which gives you a way to get over shyness fast, and you started it by going someplace where there are a *lot* of women. Step two was you went walking up the hall, and as you passed various women, you say something to them (anything!), but then (important step three) you keep walking past!

Step Four: When you get to the far end of the beach or the hallway or the street fair, or whatever the place is where there are lots of women, now you turn around and you come back.

Step Five: Now you’ll again encounter the woman. This time, on your way back, you again say something to her. But the difference is that this time you strike up a conversation, and in due time you ask her for a coffee date or whatever the next step is. If she won’t talk with you, head on back to the next one. But the surprising is that she will nearly always talk with you … on your return trip.

Here’s How it Works

Why would this work? Why will she almost always talk with you when you return?

[CONTINUED TOMORROW]

It’s because when you return she thinks she knows you! You’ve moved yourself into the class of guy who she’s talking with for the second time. You see, women can be protective and cautious the first time they meet somebody, but they don’t usually have a habit of being so cautious the second time they’re chatting with somebody, and you’ve just moved yourself into that category.

Getting Beyond Shyness

The second wonderful thing about this technique is that it helps you get beyond shyness. If you’ve ever felt tongue-tied in the past, this method is great. You see, there’s so little to lose, since you’re walking away. And if you say something so dumb that the sky should fall … who cares? And if you’ve spoken to a half-dozen women, you can blow it with five and still meet somebody, and that ain’t bad!

Using this particular method in the hallway at San Francisco State, on that particular morning, I met Barbara A., the writer, but that’s another story.

San Francisco State, 1972: I’d read a book about how to pick up girls. Actually, it was about how to get laid, and was entitled “Scoremanship”. I cannot recommend the book for its attitude, but it had this one magnificent technique for meeting women.

Step One: You go to someplace where there are lots of women, such as a beach, or in this instance in the halls of San Francisco State on a busy busy day such as registration.

Step Two: You walk up this beach or hallway, and whenever you see a woman whose looks you find pleasing, you say something. It can be anything, no matter how stupid. The important point is that you’ve spoken to her.

Step Three: No matter what her response, you keep walking past. Don’t stop and talk. This is a key point.

[CONTINUED TOMORROW]

[CONTINUED FROM YESTERDAY]

Summary: The Law of Havingness states that each person establishes a certain level of ‘havingness’ for any commodity. This is the level that they’re continually comfortable with, and if things change, they’ll tend to unconsciously change their situation until it’s back at the comfortable and familiar level.

It doesn’t matter that you might be complaining about a low level of women, or of money; if the current level of ‘havingness’ for women, or for money is low, then that’s what your current mental state expects and finds familiar, and you’ll tend to maintain that as a mental ‘comfort zone.’

So to boost your level of women, for example, start going out — all the time — with anybody. This new level will become your new ‘havingness’ level, and now the real fun begins.

Remember, again, that you are engaging in this activity — all the time — in order to increase your internal, automatic ‘havingness’ level. It’s a fair amount of work, so don’t do big productions. Go out for coffee. Go to the library with someone. Go to the laundromat. Keep it simple. Do this for a few weeks and watch what happens.

What results will you get?

It’s quite surprising. Suddenly, mysteriously, attractive and interesting women will begin to fall out of the sky. You can’t go to the parking lot without bumping into several. At least, it will seem that way. And, they’ll start giggling and smiling at you.

Now, start asking them out. You’ll discover that much of your normal clumsiness will have vanished! You’ll now find it surprisingly easy. You have changed something internally; the world looks different. Without trying, you have stepped outside of the former illusion.

But don’t make the blunder of stopping your program. For now, continue going out all the time. You’re not done yet. This simple and pleasant exercise is what’s building your internal, automatic havingness level. Keep that going for a while, because even more attractive women will show up the next week! Further, the longer you run this program, the more “permanent” it becomes.

You see, without even worrying about the cause of your internal programming, you have changed it. The old program, the old restricted-havingness level, cannot stand against the evidence of your eyes, your ears, and your other senses. When you actually see yourself going out frequently, your internal program will change immediately and automatically. No psychotherapy required. Call it magic. Call it human nature. But call it; and it will come.

When you try it, you will see.

Havingness — how to Have what you want — a concept that opens any area of your life where you’d like to have more. You’re now seeing more of what you’d like to see. Why? Because, knowing how to look, you begin to see. Learning to see, there’s a lot to like! This is a workable map.

Do you want things different? Follow this map.

You will see.

Wichita Falls, Texas. Spring 1971. A bright idea pays off.

Havingness, noun, Your willingness, often automatic, to experience something in your life; how much you are ‘having’ of something, such as: love-life, money, nice apartment, etc.

Havingness What You Want!

From puberty to age 26, I had been incompetent in learning about women, and then one day it dawned upon me that this was something I could systematically learn. I’d learned other things; why not learn this?

So I did. I studied carefully, and then discovered that the Havingness Concept provides a key that makes it easy …

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