That’s the way you want the girl to be. Right?

But your acting like one of the girls won’t get it. Though girls *say* they like “good guys,” what happens if you generate the “good guy” image is that you become a girlfriend of hers. Next thing you know she’ll be telling you about her romantic adventures, and expecting you to comment and commiserate!

That’s not what you want!

You’ve got to be a man, a guy with a life of his own, not too caught up with her too fast (or you’ll scare her away, because it’s happened to her before). Only then is she intrigued. But along the way, how can you build rapport, so she’s feeling close to you and feeling comfortable to get closer.

Here’s how …

First, let’s look at the definition. Some of the main clues are right there:

Main Entry: rap·port
Pronunciation: ra-’po(&)r
Function: noun
1 : relation characterized by harmony, conformity, accord, or affinity
2 : a relationship of mutual understanding or trust and agreement between people
3 : confidence of a subject in the operator (as in hypnotism or psychotherapy) with willingness to cooperate

Definition #3 really sounds promising, right?

Definition #2 is what you’re trying to accomplish.

Definition #1 gives the clues on how to do it.

CREATING RAPPORT OUT OF THIN AIR

Definition #1 is saying that “harmony (occurs with) conformity, accord, and affinity.”

Conformity: You cannot be “one of the girls,” but if your views *conform* to her own, she will find you to be a kindred spirit. And she will like that.

A caution: If she says nothing unique, do *not* jump in there saying how swell she is for that. Because it’s nothing personal to her. For example, if she says she was “driving around,” you don’t say how groovy that is, because she won’t feel specially connected to you about something that everyone does. That’s not “special.”

But if she says that she went to the bead store because she’s making a beaded bracelet, this is something unique. Most people don’t go to the bead store, but she (uniquely) does. So here’s where you jump in with a compatible view. You could, if it’s anywhere true, say that you’re crazy about making beaded bracelets.

However, if that’s a stretch, then you could try:

1. “I remember making beaded things at summer camp. Frankly, I liked it. Is it still fun? What do you find most satisfying about it?” … OR …
2. “I had a friend who ran a bead store. He was just crazy about all the subtle colors, but I liked the bright-colored ones the best. And there’s thousands of them! How in the world do you go about choosing?” … OR …
3. “There’s something satisfying about (working with your hands / making jewelry / working on small objects). That’s one of the things I liked in the crafts classes I took. How did you go about learning to do it?”

Each of these focuses in something unique (that the two of you share), and reveals to her that you (or your views) *conform* to her and her views. Your ideas are similar. The two of you are different from all the others, but the two of you are alike to each other. You have things in common.

So the formula is: (a) watch for her to reveal something unique. If you’re asking open ended questions, her answers will uncover some unique things pretty quickly. And then, you (b) reveal your view (or your past or your interest) that *conforms* to her uniqueness.

The result: She will feel more affinity for you. It will increase, a little, immediately.

You will usually see this by her having increased animation, becoming more lively, paying more attention to you, a change in her body position, looking more directly at, or turning her body more toward you, and perhaps an increase in her speech rate or an increase in the pitch of her voice.

Accord: This is simple. You agree with things.

You don’t agree with all of them, especially not with things that control the two of you. If you’ve made reservations at Fancy Armando’s Italian Restaurant, and she expresses a yen for Japanese food tonight, generally you don’t switch. You go to Fancy Armando’s tonight, and then (kind of as a surprise) you take her to Samurai Saki-House next week.

But if she hates the President … surprise! So do you!

If you cannot hate the President, then find *something* about him. For example, you could say, “Well, I’ve got to say … Have you ever seen a more phony haircut? I mean, really! Is it a wig? Do you know? Who does his damn makeup?”

And then steer the subject toward something about which you can more easily agree with her. And that becomes another general rule. Steer the conversation *toward* things (especially unique things) where you can agree, and steer the conversation *away* from things likely to raise discordant views.

Affinity: This word originally meant “related by marriage,” meaning that two people were in the same family, and thus the two of them are similar. However, it has come to mean attracted to each other.

And these two qualities are intimately related.

If you are *like* somebody else, then you will tend to *like* them.

That’s the rule, and the biggest clue of all right there. It’s worth repeating.

If you are *like* somebody else, then you will tend to *like* them.

And let’s turn it around so it applies to her and you.

If she and you are *alike*, then she will tend to *like* you.

HOW TO INDUCE SOMEBODY TO *LIKE YOU*

Like a good hypnotist, you can “induce” an alikeness between the two of you, and the result is that your subject will tend to trust you, to feel comfortable with you, and to like you.

The easy and powerful way to induce an alikeness between yourself and someone else is by using the technique called “Mirroring.”

PHYSICAL MIRRORING

Physical mirroring is where you make your body like the mirror-image of their body. For example, you will stand like they stand, and you’ll use gestures like the gestures they use, and you’ll walk at the same speed that they walk, and so on. If they sit back in the chair and slump, then you sit back in the chair and slump. If they sit on the edge of the chair and learn forward, so do you. If they shake their hands in the air while talking, so do you.

Now your first reaction to my suggestion might be to think it absurd, or that she will notice and think you are making fun of her.

Well, of course if you overdo it, I suppose that’s possible, but if you’re just echoing what she does, within the boundaries of who you are, I promise you she will never, ever notice it at all. But she will discover that, unaccountably, she likes you.

I’m reminded of John Wayne in his role of a tough old cowboy named Rooster Cogburn in the movie True Grit, which is really about a young girl who had a lot of what they called “grit,” meaning spunk, stick-to-it spirit, and willingness to make the attempt. And in this particular scene, Rooster Cogburn is watching something brave that the young girl has done, and he says, “By golly, I like that girl! She reminds me of me!”

And that’s true.

SPEECH MIRRORING

Everybody has certain patterns in their speech. These patterns are remarkably consistent, and they are blindingly obvious, when you’re listening for them.

For example, some people speak with a lot of emphasis, and others in a monotone.

Some speak loudly and others speak softly.

Some speak rapidly and others speak slowly.

Some speak in bursts with pauses in between, and others speak more smoothly.

For starters, consider “speech rate.” The obvious example is that Northerners, like from New York City, talk fast. And Southerners, like from Atlanta Georgia, speak slowly.

Now if I’m talking to a Southern Peach, and I talk real fast as if I were from New York City, then the Southerner will feel “out of sync” with me, and she will not trust me much. She’ll describe me as “one of those fast-talking slick guys,” and she’ll think my fast talking is an attempt to trick her.

But if I talk real slow, she will better understand what I say, and she will tend to trust me. I sound like what she knows and understands.

On the other hand, perhaps I’ve met an Italian Gypsy woman from Greenwich Village, and she’s talking at a hundred miles an hour and she hardly takes time to breath. Then if I talk real slow she’ll be annoyed with me, she’ll think I’m a hick, a hayseed, a dummy, a country bumpkin, and she’ll be impatient with everything about me.

So with her, I’ll talk as fast as I can, and I’ll flail my arms around just like she does. What will she see? What will she hear? She’ll see a kindred spirit, someone with energy like her own; she’ll hear someone she understands, someone she feels connected to.

She’ll feel affinity.

And like two molecules with a chemical affinity, she’ll want us to join up.

Oxidation! Reduction! Yow!

MAKING IT YOUR STANDARD PRACTICE

Make it your standard practice to mirror speech rate with anybody from whom you wish agreement. Women, college professors, the boss.

After you’ve made it an automatic practice to adjust your speech rate to theirs, then also take a look at the other patterns in speech: emphasis vs monotone, louder versus softer, bursts with pauses versus smoothly. They’ll work the same way.

And you can build more rapport with anyone you meet.

“Don’t take your love, Away from me
Don’t leave my heart, In misery
If you go, Then I’ll be blue
Cause breakin’ up is hard to do.”

Have you ever had the experience of breaking up with someone? For this discussion, let’s assume that it was *you* who broke off with her. (Getting dumped is another whole can of worms.)

For example, for some time you were kind of nattering inside your head. She did this, and she did that, and you didn’t like it. And she won’t do this other, and that’s just stupid. And, frankly, you’ve just had it up to here. And some other girl or girls are looking pretty good. And you need your freedom. And you need to move on.

::: SOUND FAMILIAR?

And so then you said, “We’ve got to talk,” and you did talk and most likely that wasn’t much fun (though sometimes you feel a little power, you evil creature). And then she said something and you said something, and then later she wasn’t there with you and the two of you had broken up.

And then what happened?

Maybe the next day, or maybe that same night, in between the feeling of glee and excitement, you feel a tinge of … something. Something not quite right.

And then, before long, you start thinking back …

“Remember when, You held me tight
And you kissed me, All through the night
Think of all, That we been through
Breakin’ up is hard to do!”

And the first thing you know, you’re wallowing in uncertainty and anguish. You *think* you did the right thing, but where is your feeling of certainty? You wonder if just *maybe* you were too hasty. You wish that you’d spent another night (or two) in the sack with her before breaking up. Damn!

And … you miss her.

Her “impossible and ridiculous” behavior seems to mutate like mist, becoming merely annoying foibles. And before long, in your rose-colored remembrance, these irritations become endearing quirks, even as you think about them.

::: WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?

And now … should you call her?

Back and forth you go. Back and forth you go.

And for most people, at least half the time you *do* call her back. And half the time, you *do* get back together, though usually there’s a spike between you that will never dissolve. And most of the time, the whole scene will repeat, some time a little later.

If you’re stubborn, given to drama, or too clumsy to get another girlfriend, god forbid, but the scene may play out over and over, until maybe *she* gets fed up, and then one time when you call her to make up … she isn’t interested.

Now all this is very human, and very common. It’s not a good thing, but you’re hardly a hardened criminal for the committing of this particular crime.

::: WHY DOES THIS HAPPEN?

To answer this interesting question, we’ll find it handy to examine the subject of “inertia.”

Oh, no- Wait a minute. We’ve already talked about inertia. You may want to review the subject. I’ll bet it will seem most useful, in a brand new way. [See Inertia — How to Approach a Woman.]

So let’s not discuss inertia. Instead let’s talk about the neurons in your brain. That’s always fun.

::: THE MYSTERIOUS ‘SUBCONSCIOUS MIND’

People think that the ’subconscious mind’ or the ‘unconscious mind’ is something big and mysterious. It’s dark, and lurky, and who knows what the hell it’s doing in there. It’s supposed to be with us all the time. And it can cause us to do things ‘unconsciously,’ like pick your nose in front of the bishop if you ’subconsciously’ don’t like him.

Jeez! That mysterious ’subconscious mind’ could get a guy in a lot of trouble!

Well, of course sometimes it can. But most of the time we get ourselves in trouble without much help from dark and lurky things deepy hidden away inside us.

But doesn’t the ’subconscious mind’ start to sound like a stalker in a horror movie?

And it’s not that big a deal. And it’s not that mysterious.

::: HERE’S HOW IT WORKS

You’re a kid and you learn to tie your shoe. And you have to really, really concentrate to do it. And the next day, still, it’s difficult. But a few days later, you’ve really got it. And maybe you feel real proud for a little while.

But a week or two later, it’s just a task. You have to pay attention, but it’s not a big deal. And if you fast-forward a few years to your new career as a corporate executive, or on your first day as the janitor at The Bigge Building downtown, when you’re putting on your shoes on that day, you’re thinking about the new job and you don’t want to be late, and now your shoes are tied, so you stand up.

What just happened?

Where did tying your shoes go?

It went into a different part of your brain, where (like any habit) you’ve built (by repetition) a set of automatic behaviors. All you have to do (in the conscious part of your mind) is think: Shoes; tie shoes. And an automatic set of reflexes happened, as automatic as righting yourself when your bicycle tilts to the left. And that automatic reflex operated your body and tied your shoes.

My friend, that is the unconscious mind.

That, and nothing else, is the subconscious mind.

I will personally beat the crap out of Sigmund Freud, if he wishes to push it.

We could, in a similar fashion, say that your “personality” is the net sum total of all your learned behaviors, social habits, preferences and avoidances, opinions, chronic emotions, usual ways of approaching problems, and who you automatically like and dislike.

And notice something. The way you are … is the way you usually (and automatically) are.

::: MAINTAINING AND RETURNING TO A ‘STABLE STATE’

One powerful principle used by this automatic-mind, in helping you to operate your body and your thought-processes, is this:

The mind and body attempt to return to the ‘Stable State.’

In fact, we could call this “Body and Mind Operating Principle #1.”

In textbooks, they call this ‘homeostasis’. This does not mean a railroad station for homosexuals. It means ’same state.’ (homeo = ’same’, and stasis = unmoving state)

For example, your body regulates your blood pressure. By built-in feedback mechanisms, when pressure is high, some chemicals are released and pressure drops. When pressure is too low, some chemicals are released and pressure goes up. It’s all very clever.

Likewise a given mental state can operate your whole life long. For example, a baby learns early on that crying will bring help and attention. In normal cases, perhaps most of us learn additional ways to get help and attention, but imagine a business meeting, and one fellow isn’t getting his way. Suddenly, he’s red in the face, he’s making a lot of noise, and he’s pounding on the table. He learned that particular behavior when he was an infant, but he doesn’t realize now that the same automatic behavior is no longer working in his favor.

The key is in whether a behavior is “automatic.”

::: RUNNING ON AUTOMATIC vs BREAKING A HABIT

When you run on automatic, you tend to automatically re-engage the automatic behaviors that you long ago built into your ’subconscious mind.’ If you remain unconscious of this activity, and don’t question it, it will persist. Only if you notice that your behavior is unworking, or kind of odd, or automatic, and you say, “Hmmm. That’s interesting,” will it suddenly stop running on automatic. Inspected, it vanishes. Uninspected, it runs unconsciously.

That’s how you tie a shoe. And that’s how you operate large parts of your life.

To break a habit, here’s the rule:

Your body and your mind will succumb to your will, if you are consistent.

But when you’re breaking up with somebody, you can’t really practice being consistent as you could if it was a case of doing your exercise each day until it becomes a habit.

When you break up, you’re engaging in a behavior that is a radical departure from your habitual behavior over the last few weeks or months or even years. So it’s new. And that’s why sometimes it can kind of wake you up and make you feel alive, just as a funeral or danger sometimes does.

But as soon as she’s gone, what does the ’subconscious’ (automatic) mind try to do?

::: BODY AND MIND OPERATING PRINCIPLE #1

When she’s gone, your body automatically tries to follow Body and Mind Operating Principle Number One.

Your body and your ‘unconscious’ (automatic) mind tries to re-establish the previous stable state. Its tendencies to homeostasis will (automatically) lead your thoughts and behaviors back along the lines that would re-establish that particular girlfriend back in your life.

And so back and forth you go.

Unless, of course, you notice that something’s peculiar, and you look at your behavior and suddenly you say, “Hmmm. That’s interesting!”

Usually you don’t need much help in noticing some attractive woman whom you would like to approach. It’s simple.

First you see her. You say ‘hubba-hubba!’ in your mind, and you know that you’d like to be closer to her. You’d like to be talking with her. You’d like her to be smiling as you speak. You’d like her to flirt with you. You’d like her to give you her number. You’d like to take her on a date. You’d like to take her home. You’d like to carry her into the bedroom-

Oops! Wait a minute. I got a little carried away. Maybe you got a little carried away, too.

But when you see her, and you start thinking these things, what actually happens?

All too often, when you’re just learning about women, you freeze like a deer in the headlights.

So in that case, it will be helpful to study “Inertia” and “The Five-Second Rule.”

::: THE LAW OF INERTIA

Main Entry: in·er·tia
Pronunciation: i-’n&r-sh&, -shE-&
Function: noun
Etymology: New Latin, from Latin, lack of skill, from inert-, iners
1 : a property of matter by which it remains at rest or in uniform motion in the same straight line unless acted upon by some external force
2 : indisposition to motion, exertion, or change

Do you realize that, when you get frozen, you are exhibiting “inertia”?

That is, because you were “at rest,” your natural inclination as a creature in this physical universe, is to remain “at rest.” And although your mental processes are urging you to go into motion, there is the resistance of inertia.

The actual neurons inside your brain have habitual ways of firing. Things outside your common existence generally don’t have pre-built patterns built into the neurons inside your brain. That’s why new things feel clumsy, and why you have to think things through a lot, whereas later with something you know well like driving a car, you hardly have to think at all, because now you have pre-built patterns, which we then call ‘habits,’ and ’skills.’

So the law of inertia also applies to your development of neuronal patterns in your own brain, as you learn new skills. At first, you’ll experience resistance, clumsiness, feelings of disorientation, perhaps fears, and you’ll want to think things through carefully.

However, when it comes to approaching an attractive woman, if you remain “at rest” and thinking and thinking and thinking, the danger is that some existing past patterns of flops and failures of any similar situation may be triggered by your rooting around in your own mind and memories. These will then tend to active some pre-existing patterns in your brain which consist of worries and less-than-delightful emotions.

So pausing to think … works against you.

It’s natural. It’s only human. But it works against you.

Thus … the “Five Second Rule.”

::: THE FIVE-SECOND RULE

Main Entry: five·se·cond·rule
Pronunciation: ‘fif-’se-kund-’rool
Function: noun phrase
Etymology: from Latin, get thee a move on, from rulare-, rulinus
1 : a success strategy consisting of walking toward the woman within five seconds of spotting her, whether you know what you’re doing or not
2 : urgent commandment that thou gettest thee off thine butt

The Five-Second Rule states that you must make a move within five seconds. That’s not very long. It’s just about long enough to say –

“Hmmm.

“Should I?

“Shouldn’t I?

“Well, hell!

“Here I go …”

::: ANALYZING THE FIVE-SECOND RULE

Let’s look at the logic of this: You see, when you follow this strategy, it’s clear that when you get in front of her, you might win, or you might lose, but for sure you’ll do something, and some sort of result will ensue. And that guarantees that learning will occur.

So your possible outcomes are: You might win. And for sure you *will* learn something.

Compare that to the possible outcome when you don’t approach at all: You lose. And you learn nothing.

Let’s see now. On one hand we have “Might win and certainly learn”, and on the other hand we have “Must lose and learn nothing.”

Which is better?

It takes very little analysis to see that the Five-Second Rule strategy is the winning strategy. And there are two wonderful side-benefits …

::: SIDE BENEFITS OF THE FIVE-SECOND RULE

Extra Benefit #1: If you will repeat this numerous times in rapid succession with different women, the laws of probability say that you’re going to get a woman. Period.

Extra Benefit #2: Remember that law of inertia? Well, what if you get into the habit of motion? What if, because of your new strategy, you become a body which is “in motion?” The law of inertia states that you will tend to remain in motion. What does that feel like? As you will experience for yourself, it feels like this: You will discover that you feel very comfortable approaching a woman anytime, any place.

Cool. The law of intertia, working *for* you. Unstoppable, you is.

But, getting back to business. Women are emotional creatures, unlike the man of steel such as ourselves. And when they get emotional, well, that’s *good* for you. Because when they feel all emotional, and you’re around, quite often you get the good of it.

I wouldn’t generally recommend the ‘Dinner and a Movie’ date (bleah!), because it’s just too common, and one of the things you want to do, especially early on, is to set yourself apart from the other guys. Therefore, you don’t want to do the same old date that the other guys do. And that rules out Dinner-And-A-Movie.

However, watching *old* movies on a rainy day, cuddled up together on a sofa or a comfy bed, beneath a blanket, with the scent of popcorn in the air …

You see, this is a wonderful situation. But of course, shall we watch John Wayne in Rio Bravo? How a Three Stooges collection? How about Bonnie and Clyde?

No! No! And No!

The Romantic Comedy is what’s called for here.

Remember: if it makes her emotional, and it makes her feel good, and it makes her feel all tender, then I reckon it’s worth your while to sit through a mushy movie, right?

I therefore respectfully submit the following Cheat Sheet, which you can print out and keep handy for some such magic moment …

Main Entry: cheat sheet
Function: noun
1 : a sheet containing information (as test answers) used secretly for cheating
2 : a written or graphic aid (as a sheet of notes) that can be referred to for help in dealing with something complex such as … women

From the “Living the Romantic Comedy” weblog, where Billy Mernit (author of the how-to book “Writing the Romantic Comedy”) explores the delights and frustrations of romance (funny or not) as portrayed in the movies and experienced in so-called real life, I have blatantly stolen two “Top Ten” lists of Romantic Comedy movies. Not one, but two.

The first Top-Ten list is for old movies from back before that pesky World War II. If your lady friend is a true old-film junkie, these black and white beauties are just the ticket. The Pre-War list contains:

• Trouble in Paradise
• It Happened One Night
• My Man Godfrey
• The Awful Truth
• Bringing Up Baby
• Ninotchka
• His Girl Friday
• The Philadelphia Story
• The Shop Around the Corner
• The Lady Eve

Though I personally would say, “Where’s Sabrina? Where’s Breakfast at Tiffany’s?

And now, at no extra charge, another Top-Ten list from the Modern Era up to about the year 2000 –

• The Apartment
• The Graduate
• Annie Hall (alternate: Manhattan)
• Tootsie
• Moonstruck
• Say Anything
• When Harry Met Sally
• Groundhog Day
• Four Weddings and a Funeral (alt: Notting Hill)
• A Fish Called Wanda

There you have it, an instant film-buff Cheat Sheet for Romantic Comedies, and a pretty plan for a cozy afternoon or evening. You can fill in the missing parts, I bet.

I’ve been describing an excellent exercise for getting to meet some women, even if you’re way shy. This exercise makes it easy.

Summary: You go someplace with lots of women. You walk along the way, and as you pass each one you say something. But don’t stop; just keep walking. At the far end, turn around and come back. And now, with each one, practice starting up a conversation.

And the marvy thing is that they will nearly always chat with you, when it’s on your way back.

Here’s How it Works

Why would this work? Why will she almost always talk with you when you return?

It’s because when you return she thinks she knows you! You’ve moved yourself into the class of guy who she’s talking with for the second time. You see, women can be protective and cautious the first time they meet somebody, but they don’t usually have a habit of being so cautious the second time they’re chatting with somebody, and you’ve just moved yourself into that category.

Getting Beyond Shyness

The second wonderful thing about this technique is that it helps you get beyond shyness. If you’ve ever felt tongue-tied in the past, this method is great. You see, there’s so little to lose, since you’re walking away. And if you say something so dumb that the sky should fall … who cares? And if you’ve spoken to a half-dozen women, you can blow it with five and still meet somebody, and that ain’t bad!

Using this particular method in the hallway at San Francisco State, on that particular morning, I met Barbara A., the writer, but that’s another story.

Step Four: When you get to the far end of the beach or the hallway or the street fair, or whatever the place is where there are lots of women, now you turn around and you come back.

Step Five: Now you’ll again encounter the woman. This time, on your way back, you again say something to her. But the difference is that this time you strike up a conversation, and in due time you ask her for a coffee date or whatever the next step is. If she won’t talk with you, head on back to the next one. But the surprising is that she will nearly always talk with you … on your return trip.

Here’s How it Works

Why would this work? Why will she almost always talk with you when you return?

[CONTINUED TOMORROW]

It’s because when you return she thinks she knows you! You’ve moved yourself into the class of guy who she’s talking with for the second time. You see, women can be protective and cautious the first time they meet somebody, but they don’t usually have a habit of being so cautious the second time they’re chatting with somebody, and you’ve just moved yourself into that category.

Getting Beyond Shyness

The second wonderful thing about this technique is that it helps you get beyond shyness. If you’ve ever felt tongue-tied in the past, this method is great. You see, there’s so little to lose, since you’re walking away. And if you say something so dumb that the sky should fall … who cares? And if you’ve spoken to a half-dozen women, you can blow it with five and still meet somebody, and that ain’t bad!

Using this particular method in the hallway at San Francisco State, on that particular morning, I met Barbara A., the writer, but that’s another story.

Step One: You go to someplace where there are lots of women, such as a beach, or in this instance in the halls of San Francisco State on a busy busy day such as registration.

Step Two: You walk up this beach or hallway, and whenever you see a woman whose looks you find pleasing, you say something. It can be anything, no matter how stupid. The important point is that you’ve spoken to her.

Step Three: No matter what her response, you keep walking past. Don’t stop and talk. This is a key point.

[CONTINUED TOMORROW]

Summary: The Law of Havingness states that each person establishes a certain level of ‘havingness’ for any commodity. This is the level that they’re continually comfortable with, and if things change, they’ll tend to unconsciously change their situation until it’s back at the comfortable and familiar level.

It doesn’t matter that you might be complaining about a low level of women, or of money; if the current level of ‘havingness’ for women, or for money is low, then that’s what your current mental state expects and finds familiar, and you’ll tend to maintain that as a mental ‘comfort zone.’

So to boost your level of women, for example, start going out — all the time — with anybody. This new level will become your new ‘havingness’ level, and now the real fun begins.

Remember, again, that you are engaging in this activity — all the time — in order to increase your internal, automatic ‘havingness’ level. It’s a fair amount of work, so don’t do big productions. Go out for coffee. Go to the library with someone. Go to the laundromat. Keep it simple. Do this for a few weeks and watch what happens.

What results will you get?

It’s quite surprising. Suddenly, mysteriously, attractive and interesting women will begin to fall out of the sky. You can’t go to the parking lot without bumping into several. At least, it will seem that way. And, they’ll start giggling and smiling at you.

Now, start asking them out. You’ll discover that much of your normal clumsiness will have vanished! You’ll now find it surprisingly easy. You have changed something internally; the world looks different. Without trying, you have stepped outside of the former illusion.

But don’t make the blunder of stopping your program. For now, continue going out all the time. You’re not done yet. This simple and pleasant exercise is what’s building your internal, automatic havingness level. Keep that going for a while, because even more attractive women will show up the next week! Further, the longer you run this program, the more “permanent” it becomes.

You see, without even worrying about the cause of your internal programming, you have changed it. The old program, the old restricted-havingness level, cannot stand against the evidence of your eyes, your ears, and your other senses. When you actually see yourself going out frequently, your internal program will change immediately and automatically. No psychotherapy required. Call it magic. Call it human nature. But call it; and it will come.

When you try it, you will see.

Havingness — how to Have what you want — a concept that opens any area of your life where you’d like to have more. You’re now seeing more of what you’d like to see. Why? Because, knowing how to look, you begin to see. Learning to see, there’s a lot to like! This is a workable map.

Do you want things different? Follow this map.

You will see.

Havingness, noun, Your willingness, often automatic, to experience something in your life; how much you are ‘having’ of something, such as: love-life, money, nice apartment, etc.

Havingness What You Want!

From puberty to age 26, I had been incompetent in learning about women, and then one day it dawned upon me that this was something I could systematically learn. I’d learned other things; why not learn this?

So I did. I studied carefully, and then discovered that the Havingness Concept provides a key that makes it easy …

When is something Easy?

The easiest time to get a job is when you got a job. The easiest time to get a girlfriend is, ulp, when you got a girlfriend. The easiest time to find an apartment is when you got an apartment. It takes money to make money.

These are metaphysical statements. I can’t prove them. But go find any human, and have him experiment, and he will report it seems to work that way.

Why does it work that way?

You have an inner gauge we’ll call ‘havingness’, how much of something you can experience. Maybe you can experience money easily, but girlfriends not so well. It’s running on automatic, so just your wanting it to be different doesn’t make it so. In fact, the more desparately you desire the thing, the more sharply you are focussing your lack, and this self-fullfilling target perpetuates itself, in accordance with your inner vision.

For example, let’s say you’re male and there’s an acute lack of girlfriend. It seems like you don’t meet anyone; and the ones you do meet, well, there’s something wrong with them.

If you keep on doing what you been doing, you’ll keep on having what you been having. So if you make no change, you’ll suffer lack of girlfriend for far longer than need be. This is an easy thing to change, when you’re willing to change your focus.

Hard to find a girlfriend? OK, it’s an illusion, but when you are inside that illusion, it sure looks like that. Therefore, let’s just set it aside and look at something else.

How can you change a shortage?

Instead of trying to change the girlfriend shortage (which appears very difficult), let’s just look at changing your internal level of ‘Havingness’. (Which will appear surprisingly easy.)

Here’s what you do: First, stop saying no. Start going out with anybody at all. Go out with people you’re not interested in. Any female at all, go out for any reason whatsoever. And go out all the time! Don’t be “reasonable” and scale it down. Go out all the time.

Remember, just now, you’re not trying to find a girlfriend. These folks aren’t girlfriend material for you at this time. (Don’t sleep with them. That will just snarl you up.) Just go out all the time, and enjoy it as best you can. Without expectation and target-seeking, you’ll generally find yourself having fun, you wild guy you.

Remember, again, that you are engaging in this activity — all the time — in order to increase your internal, automatic ‘havingness’ level. It’s a fair amount of work, so don’t do big productions. Go out for coffee. Go to the library with someone. Go to the laundromat. Keep it simple. Do this for a few weeks and watch what happens.

What results will you get?

[CONTINUED TOMORROW]

If so, want to save a little money?

You can also get my special “How to Get a Girlfriend … Guaranteed” method very inexpensively on a cd mailed out to you through the auctions at our EBay Megatar Store;

(The EBay Megatar Store is where my company sells Mobius Megatar instruments which are ready-to-play and ready-to-ship, along with accessories and music books. Everything sold there, including the Sweetheart Report, comes with a money-back guarantee. In fact, the Sweetheart Report comes with two money-back guarantees. That’s how certain I am that it will work perfectly for you.)

There is one catch.

If you get the Sweetheart method on cd instead of by immediate digital download from my Get a Girlfriend … Guaranteed infopage, then instead of the two bonus ebooks about getting rid of loneliness and how to scope out your date real fast, then you will get different bonus material that relates to our unusual musical instruments.

For example, when you buy the Sweetheart method on compact disk, you get bonus material on the cd about Mobius Megatar touch-style instruments, including a sample from our ‘how to play music easier than ever before’ method book. You’ll also get MP3 recordings, photographs, an Owner’s Guide, and a History of Touch-Style.

(Touch-style is a new method of playing guitar or bass by merely touching the strings to the fret, and playing with both hands at the same time. In effect playing a guitar and bass at the same time, kind of like playing a piano! And yet, learning to play with both hands this way is slightly easier than learning either guitar or piano. Strange but true.)

Whether you get the digital ebook with bonus ebooks by immediate download from getagirlfriendguaranteed.com or whether you get the sweetheart method on compact disk from the EBay Megatar Store, you will always get two money-back guarantees! There is no catch to that. The method is exactly what I claim: A powerful but simple method that will show anyone how to get a girlfriend, spelled out step by step, and easy to get by immediate download, day or night. And we guarantee it … twice.

From the time I developed this method at 26, I’ve had no difficulty meeting women.

(Getting along with them, now that’s something else!)

Now I’m over 60, and I’ve been with the same woman for the last 15 years, so the method actually worked big time for me.I suppose that it’s possible that it might not work for you, but I’ve received rather enthusiastic feedback so far. And it seems to have worked for everybody else so far. You could try it. You’ve got nothing to lose but lonely.

If you’re experiencing anything less than fun in your woman-searching, let me do you a favor. Check it out and try it. Most likely it will do the job. If you can’t try the method now, for some sort of good reason which your mind will make up, bookmark the site and try it later.

I can’t really totally guarantee it will work for you, because some people can botch up bubble-gum. But it’s worked for everyone else, and it does come with two money-back guarantees.

Now, about the free stuff –

Aside from the free newsletter (”Outrageous Dating Tips”) available on our dating info page, this weblog is designed to help solve some common dating problems.

As it happens, I’m already in the habit of maintaining a weblog already (the Adventures of Bloggard), so it seemed easiest to provide short articles of information about dating and finding women in a blog here. Please bookmark this blog, and subscribe to our RSS feed at page bottom.

I will do my best to provide useful inside tips and useful techniques to make dating easier.

Am I the big expert in the world? Not at all, but I do know how it actually works, and I’m pretty good at describing things. That’s how I got elected.

When you are leaving comments, I can’t promise to respond to all of them, but I would be grateful to hear from you, your successes, and your questions. And your ideas will help me create additional articles here, for the benefit of everyone who is just a little more lonely than you’d like.

Send me no flames, now. If I hear any flames — especially from anybody who hasn’t got the method and tried it — I shall laugh like this: Ha Ha!

[Tomorrow: How to Pick Up Girls, part one]