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How to Build Rapport

Rapport. Being ‘in sync.” In the same groove. Of the same mind.

That’s the way you want the girl to be. Right?

But your acting like one of the girls won’t get it. Though girls *say* they like “good guys,” what happens if you generate the “good guy” image is that you become a girlfriend of hers. Next thing you know she’ll be telling you about her romantic adventures, and expecting you to comment and commiserate!

That’s not what you want!

You’ve got to be a man, a guy with a life of his own, not too caught up with her too fast (or you’ll scare her away, because it’s happened to her before). Only then is she intrigued. But along the way, how can you build rapport, so she’s feeling close to you and feeling comfortable to get closer.

Here’s how …

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Breaking up is Hard to Do

You know the old song … “Breaking up is Hard to Do” by Neil Sedaka?

“Don’t take your love, Away from me
Don’t leave my heart, In misery
If you go, Then I’ll be blue
Cause breakin’ up is hard to do.”

Have you ever had the experience of breaking up with someone? For this discussion, let’s assume that it was *you* who broke off with her. (Getting dumped is another whole can of worms.)

For example, for some time you were kind of nattering inside your head. She did this, and she did that, and you didn’t like it. And she won’t do this other, and that’s just stupid. And, frankly, you’ve just had it up to here. And some other girl or girls are looking pretty good. And you need your freedom. And you need to move on.

::: SOUND FAMILIAR?

And so then you said, “We’ve got to talk,” and you did talk and most likely that wasn’t much fun (though sometimes you feel a little power, you evil creature). And then she said something and you said something, and then later she wasn’t there with you and the two of you had broken up.

And then what happened?

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Inertia — How to Approach a Woman

Like most things in life, the things you do that actually work are usually very simple.

Usually you don’t need much help in noticing some attractive woman whom you would like to approach. It’s simple.

First you see her. You say ‘hubba-hubba!’ in your mind, and you know that you’d like to be closer to her. You’d like to be talking with her. You’d like her to be smiling as you speak. You’d like her to flirt with you. You’d like her to give you her number. You’d like to take her on a date. You’d like to take her home. You’d like to carry her into the bedroom-

Oops! Wait a minute. I got a little carried away. Maybe you got a little carried away, too.

But when you see her, and you start thinking these things, what actually happens?

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Cheat Sheet: Top 20 Romantic Comedies

When it comes to the movies, women are big saps, and all sentimental. The fact that my lady friend often says to me, in the movies, ‘Are you crying?’ means nothing. Of course I wasn’t crying. I just got something in my eye.

But, getting back to business. Women are emotional creatures, unlike the man of steel such as ourselves. And when they get emotional, well, that’s *good* for you. Because when they feel all emotional, and you’re around, quite often you get the good of it.

I wouldn’t generally recommend the ‘Dinner and a Movie’ date (bleah!), because it’s just too common, and one of the things you want to do, especially early on, is to set yourself apart from the other guys. Therefore, you don’t want to do the same old date that the other guys do. And that rules out Dinner-And-A-Movie.

However, watching *old* movies on a rainy day, cuddled up together on a sofa or a comfy bed, beneath a blanket, with the scent of popcorn in the air …

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How to Pick Up Girls (Part 5)

[CONTINUED FROM YESTERDAY]

I’ve been describing an excellent exercise for getting to meet some women, even if you’re way shy. This exercise makes it easy.

Summary: You go someplace with lots of women. You walk along the way, and as you pass each one you say something. But don’t stop; just keep walking. At the far end, turn around and come back. And now, with each one, practice starting up a conversation.

And the marvy thing is that they will nearly always chat with you, when it’s on your way back.

Here’s How it Works

 

Why would this work? Why will she almost always talk with you when you return?

It’s because when you return she thinks she knows you! You’ve moved yourself into the class of guy who she’s talking with for the second time. You see, women can be protective and cautious the first time they meet somebody, but they don’t usually have a habit of being so cautious the second time they’re chatting with somebody, and you’ve just moved yourself into that category.

Getting Beyond Shyness

The second wonderful thing about this technique is that it helps you get beyond shyness. If you’ve ever felt tongue-tied in the past, this method is great. You see, there’s so little to lose, since you’re walking away. And if you say something so dumb that the sky should fall … who cares? And if you’ve spoken to a half-dozen women, you can blow it with five and still meet somebody, and that ain’t bad!

Using this particular method in the hallway at San Francisco State, on that particular morning, I met Barbara A., the writer, but that’s another story.